Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
