Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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