Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
