the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Four minutes until I can fart!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
