Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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