I am puke
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
