Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
