youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
