I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
