so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
