I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I die, sorry about rent.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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