I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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