you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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