Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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