We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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