It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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