Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
