So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
