Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
