Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
