Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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