I would go down on you faster than GM stock
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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