Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just google imaged poop.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
