Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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