My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
