When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
