peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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