john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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