Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
