too bad you live with your parents still
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
