I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
