if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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