Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
