What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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