oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
no, he came in my armpit
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
