does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
