she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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