Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
