You work out of a Hotel?
i wish my penis had a tongue
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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