after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
