Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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