I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
time to smoke my breakfast
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
