I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
