Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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