Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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