I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
