i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
