i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
