i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize