She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
