she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
