you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
