Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
