Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
