have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
