Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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