How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
