So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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