I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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