They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
