Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
