i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
