Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
