i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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