Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
