it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
