My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
