Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
