he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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