I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
