I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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