Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
