I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
