even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
