I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
