We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
