the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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