i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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