Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize