Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
