His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
