you have to choose: penises or morals?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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