i permit you to call me
i already hear my dad disowning me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
