Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
