i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
