I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
