the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
