I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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